Monday, January 23, 2012


Sometimes it's that one person, who you never really got to know or spent much time with. That person who sees you entirely from the outside and not really all the insanity of your life. They manage to say something that you might not really notice at the time, but makes a world of a difference when you're gone.

Sorting through my oodles of belongings I came across a comment card from the exec of Azalea. Some were stereotypical: "you rock dude," a few quotes, but one really stuck out -- from a girl I rarely talked to and never really spent the time to get to know.

"Hannah, you are one of the most talented/creative people I have met. You will do great at whatever you do after you graduate" <3

...almost makes me feel like I can conquerer the world now, eh?

Monday, January 16, 2012


I have been hoping that this year would be different, that for once in my life I'd make it an entire week into my year-long adventure through the Bible. But alas, no. Day 6, maybe? ...and here it is, January 16th, and I haven't read in 10 days. I get too frustrated to continue though because I just get distracted beating myself up about my failure.

I actually read that article from Relevant magazine today. (props to self) It has a lot of things that really make me think, and a few others that make me emotional (almost crying here, I suppose you could say). But at the same time, they are good ideas. I think the biggest ones were (other than all being really good ones):
3. Don't Rush Dating and Marriage
11. Don't Get Stuck

More on the first in a few posts... But for now, not getting stuck. I feel like I'm stuck.
I work at Panera
I still haven't acquired my teaching license
I got a degree that gives me a career that I don't know if I really want to pursue
I live in Corvallis... there is no dance in Corvallis
I'm not playing my violin

I'm not moving, I'm not doing anything. I'm stagnating. I work. I make dinner. I watch TV. I Pinterest. Granted, I do the two middle things with my boyfriend. I have a shelf full of books and a list of crafty activities to do, but I'm not doing any of them.

I want to do so much.... become fluent in Spanish, move, go dancing with friends, have friends over frequently, lead a small group, play violin at church, volunteer... go international, dance, orchestra... and generally do crazy adventuring (snowboarding, climbing, biking, road-tripping).

I guess the question becomes: what am I waiting for?
I don't really know. I think part of me is afraid of finances and all the debt I'm holding on to because of the college career I pursued.

I get stuck. I get frustrated. I freak out about doing new things or doing too much, -- I get overwhelmed and... so I do nothing.

How to fix this?
I'm moving (back to my old house, but still, it was better, and I'm hoping it will be better)
I started this blog
I really liked the idea in the article of having a day, once a month to journal, do serious bible studying, relax, have coffee, de-stress. <-- so hopefully with this idea, and moving, and creating a list of adventuring ideas (to be assembled in an easy-access form, yet make it exciting to actually do some of them), hopefully I will stagnate less, get frustrated less, and enjoy life more.

Here we go.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Things to know at 25...ish

Crap, I'm old (no, not really...). Especially finding and reading this (well, stalking friends on Facebook [thank you, social networking]) and finding it poignant. However, I will admit that I found the link, put it here, and fully intend to read it at a later hour.

I am a procrastinator, and yet, I have nothing to procrastinate.

Yup, forgot to put in the link:
Things to know at 25...ish

Did you forget?!?!!

While parusing through my sister's blog the other day, I came across this:

Did You Forget You're Saved?

Such a beautiful and wonderful thing. I do not spend nearly enough time remembering this. Perhaps if I lived it out more I would think on it more, perhaps if I actually read my Bible on a daily basis this would be an easier thing...

I find myself saying "perhaps if..." or "I should write down ___ to remember to do ___" and either forget to write it down, or lose the list of items because I'm too preoccupied doing... well, nothing.

I really want to find a way to become more passionate. As a topic that was presented in grad school over and over again, I don't really know what it even is. What am I passionate about? What things should I be passionate about? What should I try to be less passionate about? In what way could I be a more loving person, honorable, and a trustworthy friend through the things I am passionate about?

If only I were to spend more time actually living these things out, rather than just blogging about them.


I am a long-time ENFP. In graduate school, this changed. However, it is the most popularly identifiable personality type I personify (using big words here). I found a similar post to this on my sister's blog the other day, when I finally was able to read her blog after months of forgetting how to gain access. Figured it wouldn't hurt for me to find one for my personality type and work on it a bit more... plus, good gracious, these are helpful. I thought about them all day at work.

Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve ENFP Success
1.     Feed Your Strengths! Make sure you have opportunities to have new experiences to feel your quest of understanding the world.
2.     Face Your Weaknesses! Realize and accept that some traits are strengths and some are weaknesses. By facing your weaknesses, you can overcome them and they will have less power over you.
3.     Express Your Feelings. Don’t let anger get bottled up inside you.  If you have strong feelings, sort them out and express them, or they may become destructive!
4.     Make Decisions. Don't be afraid to have an opinion. You need to know how you feel about things in order to be effective.
5.     Smile at Criticism. Try to see disagreement and discord as an opportunity for growth, because that’s exactly what it is.  Try not to become overly defensive towards criticism; try to hear it and judge it objectively.
6.     Be Aware of Others. Remember that there are 15 other personality types out there who see things differently than you see them. Most of your problems with other people are easier to deal with if you try to understand the other person's perspective.
7.     Be Aware of Yourself. Don't stint your own needs for the sake of others too much. Realise you are an important focus. If you do not fulfill your own needs, how will continue to be effective and how will others know you are true to your beliefs?
8.     Be Accountable for Yourself. Don’t waste mental energy finding blame in other’s behaviour, or in identifying yourself as a victim.  You have more control over your life than any other person has.
9.     Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself by assuming the worst.  Remember that a positive attitude creates positive situations.
10. When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.


First Post.... of yet another one of Hannah's blogs. You might be saying "woohoo...I don't really care..." but at the same time, you are here, and intrigued about what I might say (let's be real people, that's what this is about, you want to stalk my life [as if facebook wasn't enough]).

I haven't blogged in a long time. I attempted to be cool in college, but ended up always being overly emotional and annoying (especially about stupid boy crap... and I had a lot of it in college, oddly enough). I then attempted right after college. Both attempts were a disastrous flop firstly because I never posted often enough (too post-college ADD), and second because I never really thought it was cool enough to share them (see first point).

I've accomplished a lot of things, and done a lot of firsts... first job, first car, first dog, high school diploma (homeschooling: if you can call it that), first chair in orchestra, first concertmaster position, first college, first essay, first final exam, first kiss, first drink, first collegiate transfer, first major change (second, third, fourth, fifth...), first bachelor's degree, first graduate school, first time teaching high school, first master's degree, first post-college career job, first post- college/grad school melt down, first insomnia (thank you, post-grad school insanity), first time running out of gas in my car, first time locking my keys in my car (thank you AAA for coming to my rescue and not allowing me to freeze to death on both occasions)... it's now starting to make me wonder if "first" is even a word... I've typed it so many times I can't even really keep it straight that I'm spelling it correctly (yeah, I totally got up at 5am this morning... I spelled it "spallding" go figure). 

But really? a new blog, Hannah, seriously? Yup. I'm doing it. Really. No! Really! I really and truly am! I want to be a blogger, and I want to do things and be able to write down my thoughts, sure, I have my crappy days, and some obnoxious things are going to happen to me, but that doesn't mean I am not afforded the privilege of informing all of you about them, right?

Reasoning the weblog

Reasoning behind blog name:
Wanting my blog to be centered around a quote, I checked my favorite site, QuoteGardenfor posts on the word "waiting" as somehow, that was the genius (a word, to this day, that I cannot spell... I still remember quite clearly that I wrote my mother a note saying something along the lines of "Do not disturb, genious at work" and posted it on my bedroom door... and yes, I spelled the pivotal word wrong. Obviously not so much, but I was small, and was needing alone time) that came to my mind after a 10 hour day of working (ie: catering coordinator training) at Panera (yeah... panera life! So my next option? Google, of course. First link, no go. Second found me this: It's lengthy, but literally describes pretty much everything I'm thinking about and going through right now... totally completes the thought that I have such a hard time putting together. I'm done with some things (school, college), I have other things (job, car, place to live), and am graced to have yet others (serious boyfriend)...but do I really know what I am doing? Am I really happy with what I'm doing? I keep saying I'm going to "work here for awhile and teach eventually." I always say eventually, or not just yet, or later... what's later? When will my later come? Why am I not doing things now? Why can't I be in my adventure and not just waiting for it to begin....

“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin.
And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.
I love movies about “The Big Moment” – the game or the performance or the wedding day or the record deal, the stories that split time with that key event, and everything is reframed, before it and after it, because it has changed everything. I have always wanted this movie-worthy event, something that will change everything and grab me out of this waiting game into the whirlwind in front of me. I cry and cry at these movies, because I am still waiting for my own big moment. I had visions of life as an adventure, a thing to be celebrated and experienced, but all I was doing was going to work and coming home, and that wasn’t what it looked like in the movies.
John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” For me, life is what was happening while I was busy waiting for my big moment. I was ready for it and believed that the rest of my life would fade into the background, and that my big moment would carry me through life like a lifeboat.
The Big Moment, unfortunately, is an urban myth. Some people have them, in a sense, when they win the Heisman or become the next American Idol. But even that football player or that singer is living a life made up of more than that one moment. Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearl. It takes so much time, and so much work, and those beads and moments are so small, and so much less fabulous and dramatic than the movies.
But this is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that move-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience.”
― Shauna NiequistCold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life