Coerced Resignation

I lost my job.

On one side, this means my finances will be in a tight spot for awhile, but at the same time, I think this is an answer to a prayer that I didn't realize I was screaming out to God at a consistent rate.

I now have all the time in the world to spend on planning my wedding, workout, sleep, read and study God's Word, spend time with friends, and spend time with Kyle. Our relationship was starting to suffer with this job I had, and now it's not a concern. Sure, I feel pretty down on myself about it, but I'm sure it's for the best.

Not my fav...

Dress shopping.

In a nutshell, shall we say I'm a tomboy?

Dress shopping is not my forte, it is not my thing, it is not often something I seek out.

I struggle to purchase a dress for myself at Target for $20.

Jeans and a t-shirt, sign me up. Leotard? Well... ok, fine. Professional dress - not really comfortable, but I will deal.

Ask me to look for and purchase a dress that not only costs over $30, but one that is big, heavy, and expensive. Require me to try them on over and over again and ask me in-depth questions on how I feel about them? Please, goodness, is there anything else in the world I can do instead?!?

Is it formal enough for a wedding but not too formal for an outside venue, is it well made, does it look good on you, does the style fit my figure, is it too girly, is there beading or too much bling-bling, is there lace, do I like lace, do I want a train, do I want a veil, does my mother, family, and friends like it on me, what kind of fabric, cut, color, style, shape, what's my budget ----- how much time do we have between now and the wedding?

81 whole days. 81 and insanely-packed and short days.

I dream about dress shopping now. Maybe not dream... I pass out and my conscious thought does not stop thinking about and comparing the dresses I have tried and if there might be something better, and what if I have to settle on something I don't like, and what if so-and-so doesn't like it, and is it too formal/girly/weird for me (will I have second thoughts? It's such a big purchase). I have been to four shops, and found nothing yet....the search (saga) continues.

rings...

Wedding related updates (of sorts):

Finally got my ring sized and returned to me after what seemed like an eternally long (and somewhat confusing weekend) to miss it.... so glad to have it back. PS: I don't know if I've ever posted pictures of it?
I found that the flash on my camera was super annoying (I have yet to get accessories for it... dreams), but remembered I could diffuse the flash with a piece of paper. Um, yes, and got the flash in my eyes, but hey! It's all about the pictures, right?

Ordered and got Kyle's wedding band. I literally never though it would be like it is, but it makes sense, and I love it. I am so excited to be his wife. It's not an exact match to mine, but it's perfect, and made out of Tungsten Carbide.

Dance is an art (and a drug)

I stand corrected. Dance and music are my drugs of choice; I am an unashamed addict. As such, they prove to be necessary components of my life.

Last night we played Dance Central, and I could not stop. I literally had to keep going. I had to try as many songs and levels as possible. I was exhausted, but I could not pull myself away. What made me stop? The xbox froze - it was most unfortunate. As much as the death plies hurt yesterday, I find myself craving more. I stayed up too late last night because I was on continuous youtube related videos for my favorite artists.

Also: I came across this on my time I spent online recently, and needless to say, I love everything about it:

Day 3 Shred

I slept sore, I woke up sore, I am stiff, sore, and still sore.

Day 4 Shred

Burn. Feel the Burn.

Day 5 Shred...?

So I missed a day due to visiting with the ever lovely and wonderful Kara and her darling and adorable son and her family, driving up to Salem to check out the party rental store, and plant some flowers for the wedding at Kyle's Grandpa's house, then we went back to Corvallis for our friend Matt and Al's wedding, then on to Kyle's surprise plans --- a Greg Laswell concert in Portland! Best surprise since he proposed! It was wonderful. I was so surprised. Greg Laswell is one of my top favorite musicians. 

Actual Shred Day 5

Did today's workout with Kyle. Today seemed a bit better - perhaps because of the short break I was allowed since no workout yesterday?

Day 6 Shred

Did it again with Kyle. It's definitely not nearly as miserably challenging at first, but I still can't do all of everything completely (if that wasn't redundant, I'm not sure what is...).

Day 7 Shred

Missed yesterday, but I'm not beating myself up over it too much. I was way tired. I got to Kyle's and ended up napping with the kittens (pics coming soon, hopefully).

Overall today is going well, shred-wise. I think a neighbor kid saw me from the street (awkward), but none the less fine. 

Fluency

Day 2 of Shred
I woke up incredibly sore. I am sore. My muscles hurt. I cannot rephrase this enough. I am so sore -- but I did it. Day 2, consider yourself done. I really need to work on the whole 90 degree angles and such. I still cannot finish a single strength series. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic!!! I have faith that I can work myself up to the normal amount and not be ashamed of it. Besides, I'm working with 5lb weights here peoples! It's difficult!

After gracing my aching body with another beastly workout, I noticed that my bedroom windowsill is exactly barre height. Lightbulb. I frantically search my iTunes for this one album my ballet instructor gave me as I was departing for college. Upon finding it, I donned my canvas shoes and did a few plies.
Death Plies.
I am horrible at ballet anymore, this is miserable! Curse you grad school for making me sacrifice all the things I have forever been passionate about... and continue to lack any sort of income to pursue. I decided to not go much farther than a few super basic combinations. It is so incredibly humiliating. I am kinda glad I have not signed myself up for an actual dance class just yet. (.....yet) Additionally, Kyle and I are borrowing a friends copy of Dance Central, so I'm hoping that will be fun.

Upon further searching of iTunes for more ballet barre related music, I found that both Sigur Ros and Regina Spektor have a new album out. Yeah. I might own them now. This is why iTunes is a bad thing for me to visit frequently.

I would argue that music and dance are two languages I know how to speak well; but I've lost practice and am not immersed in them anymore, so I have lost my fluency. Time to step it back up.

3 thoughts

These TOMS are on their way to my feet soon! I don't know if I could be any more excited!

One of my good friends really challenged me to pursue my Bible reading unprovoked and without leadership of anyone else.... but also to be open with what God has for me, and what I learn as I read - not to keep it bottled up inside (as is so easy for me). Being open and sharing such things definitely does not come naturally.

If you get a chance at all to do anything this week, grab a copy of this book: Love That Dog by Sharon Creech

I promise, it will change your life. You will think about things in a whole new way, and you may even be inspired. I may have cried and required a solo walk on the beach to ponder it all. It's an easy read, and shouldn't take you longer than an hour or so to complete it. Seriously: Mind. Blown.
A seriously special thank you goes out to Kim for recommending this book to me.

day 1

It came today! I was totally not expecting it to come today at all, but it did! I love little surprise packages like that sometimes (thank you, amazon). I am now the proud (maybe?... we'll see how things go) owner of Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred, 6 week six-pack, and No More Trouble Zones. Ok, maybe I went a bit overboard, but I'll be honest, it's one of the less expensive of the workout videos I've found. Plus, the workout for the shred is only about half an hour, which is where I got hung up with TurboFire (although I do still love it and actually noticed it working for the 2-week segment where I actually kept up with it).

In addition to starting the Shred, I chanced upon the blog, Healthy Tipping Point and another blog by the same author, Operation Beautiful. Somehow the latter blog got me out of my funk and I pulled down my mirror off my (well... rubbermaid container as I have yet to mount it to the wall) and erased the "I am good enough, smart enough, and I'm a teacher/grad student" that had been up there since fall of 2010. Time for newer and more relevant things such as: "You are beautiful - inside and out"

Day 1 - 30-Day Shred
This workout is a beast. I might consider myself in decent shape, but even on my good days I'm in much less shape than I was at one point in my life. Additionally, I never worked my body in the ways these videos do. After finishing the workout, I felt tired and sore, but pumped. Then I tried getting up off the floor and BAM! noodle legs. To be completely honest though... part of me really wants to do a workout like this twice a day... I'll start with once for now though.